So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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