He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
