WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
