dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
