i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
