I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
