Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
