What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
