I want to make a zoo with you.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
