Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
