I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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