I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
