I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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