"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
