i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
