my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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