Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
