You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
