If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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