Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
