Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
