i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
