Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my life. Enjoy the view
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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