I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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