I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
