I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
