we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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