you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
