apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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