Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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