I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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