Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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