ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
