bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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