addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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