Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
