also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
