i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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