Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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