i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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