he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
