You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
