is your mom at the bar?
Can Purell be used as lube?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize