hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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