Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
