there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
