my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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