apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
