Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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