were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
