she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
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Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
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We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
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