So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
