Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
