Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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