she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
