And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
