Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
