my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
