Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
