The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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