If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
