she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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