I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
