I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Sext me about skeletons
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
