I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
