Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
