I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize