Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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